"For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose
under heaven." - Ecclesiastes 3:1
I was given the subject of "time" to write about by Cyndy and have been pondering it since yesterday. The first thing that instantly popped into my mind when Cyndy gave me this assignment was the title of my journal, "There is a Season". My journal has this special title because of the many beloved "seasons" in my past and the "seasons" that I am bound to experience in the future. I see my life as chunks of "time". Time spent in my childhood with my family and in school. I look back at that time with mixed feelings as I had some happy times, but I also had some childhood depression, no doubt brought on by an un-diagnosed chiari malformation. Chiari causes neurological problems and, no doubt, spurred on my bipolar disorder very young. I knew that I was different than other kids and teenagers because I wasn't always happy and I had alot of fears. I became an adult and had my own family with two children. There were glorious times spent with the little ones. I also had hideous depression. I was suffering from un-diagnosed bipolar disorder, un-diagnosed fibromyalgia and un-diagnosed obsessive compulsive disorder. It was hard to keep up with a small family when I was very sick and I didn't know what was going on. I still had moments of joy, though. I spent countless times in and out of the hospital for the bipolar disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder in my twenties. It took alot of fortitude. I was well on my way to being on track and feeling better in my early 30's concerning my mental illnesses when my neurological problems started. Time spent lying in a hospital bed after brain surgeries with no pain medicine and lying in bed with alot of nerve and muscle pain taught me what was important in my life and what I can withstand and how courageous I am. I spent six months on a couch once. I was so very sick. I spent a couple weeks in bed after two brain surgeries. I still spend days in bed with fibromyalgia. When I have to spend time by myself, which I often do, I am never, ever bored. I have learned that there is always something, somewhere inside of me that I can go to that is animated and interesting and enjoys "me" and can take care of "me". I have learned to trust me to take care of me now. I look forward to the future because my general mood is happy now with moments of joy. I could never say that before. Now I can share what I have learned with my children and grandchildren as I spend time with them in the future!! I look forward to seeing them grow and becoming unique individuals!! That is so exciting to me! I have time to spend with family and friends to look forward to!! I have time to see what else I can learn from my life that I haven't learned thus far! It is amazing when I take a step back and see what I have learned from each "season" of my life. Whether it was a rough season or a joyful one, it has all been worth it as I have learned something to take with me the rest of my life. I have learned something about myself and grown stronger. I certainly could not have done any of this without the help of God whom I talk to and pray to everyday and whom sustains me and is my friend. I have had alot of mental and physical strife in my life, but I know that it has made the flowers brighter and the birds sing more beautifully and the time spent with myself and others more wonderful. I am grateful for it all. Thanks for stopping by! xox
One more thing, speaking of "seasons" of life... I wanted say CONGRATULATIONS to my son, Matt, who is graduating from high school tomorrow!! CONGRATS, Matt!! I am so proud of you!!!!