Monday, February 21, 2005

Being On Disability...

Alright, AOL, get it together!!  I can't upload pictures and I am having a hard time leaving a comment in other's journals.  What is up?!?!  Get it together!  And what is this, "Too many gateway sessions"???  Ugh.  Too many problems for too long.  Please fix it, okay, thank you.  End of rant.

Several of you asked how I put a background in my entry yesterday.  I am putting together a simple-to-follow email that I will be sending out in a day or two.  It will even contain a website or two where you can dowload backgrounds for free!  If you are interested in receiving this please let me know in the comment's section.

It's funny how, when I go about my day, I have moments where I think, "I should journal about that.  That would be very interesting to put in my blog."  But when I sit down in front of my computer it seems a lot of times those ideas are gone.  Perhaps I should write them down. 

So, I struggle a lot with how much I want to share with everyone.  What I should share and what I should keep to myself.  I am sure everyone else is like that.  It is particularly sensitive when it comes to my illnesses.  I wonder what people would think about me.  Illness has been a big part of my life.  Too big of a part, unfortunately.  When I got a hold of mental illness, physical illness struck.  Illness robbed me of being able to go to college.  It robbed me of being able to take care of my children.  It robbed me of being able to have a career.  It robbed me of being able to own a home.  I have had quite a few friends and still do, who are in the same situation that I am in.  People who are alike hang around each other.  I can not work.  I will tell you that I have NEVER met one person on disability who liked their sitatuation and was happy to just sit there and receive a check.  Nope, all of them wished they were well and could work!  So, I think it is a myth that people who are disabled sit on their bums and receive checks.  I am not saying that some don't, just that the majority don't.  A lot volunteer.  A lot find purposes in other things.  You have to or you go crazy.  I have found purpose in helping others and trying to stay well and trying to have a spiritual life.  I try to look at each day as a gift and try to see what it brings.  I try to live for the day - for the present.  So, I think that the past forms how you behave in the present.  And I don't write much about the past.  I don't go there too often.  It is a bit of a scary place.  Actually, it is behind a closed, black door a lot of the time.  Wow, I shared a lot just telling everyone this!  Well, I think that I will leave it at that and see if my dear, lovely readers will accept me no matter what I write, because this whole paragraph was actually pretty scary! :-) !!

20 comments:

  1. Val, we will accept whatever you write because we love you dear friend. Yes, would like the email and the storage space. As for aol. unless they get things together soon I am seriously thinking of switching to another server. Yes, it would mean the end of my journal but there is just so much hassle. I can get into some journals and not others, had to change my password today because they kept telling me it was illegal, cannot get into ftp because of "gateway sessions". They said they are improving aol, instead it is just falling apart.  God bless you my dear friend.

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  2. Val you are a wonderful person. Your  illnesses, both physical & mental, will never make a jot of difference to me or many others who are your friends. Thanks for sharing. As for AOL I am having same probs. They are getting beyond a joke. Please send me an email re: backgrounds. Take care my friend
    Sylvia x

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  3. Val I would love to know how to put a background in.A lovely honest entry from you,I love your outlook on life .Dont worry too much,people know and understand about your illness.I admire how you have coped with this.

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  4. Of course we'll accept you no matter what you write!!!  I'm beginning to find that out about people myself...there are things about my past that I dont want to and so havent put in my journal...I'm not sure if I should. I think that they will maybe upset or anger some people and I dont want to isolate people from reading my journal.

    I think you are right about disabled people....most of them want to be out working and living a 'normal' life....I do....

    Sorry it's been a while since I have commented....

    love Amy xxx

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  5. I totally understand where you are coming from.

    Kathy

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  6. I totally understand where you are coming from.

    Kathy

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  7. It makes no difference to me what you write about, if you've had a good day, a bad day, you're feeling low, or ill, or if you just have a joke to share, or a rant to get off your chest.  I will still read :o)  If you want to share more, or keep some things to yourself, that's totally up to you hon.  People stop by here because they care about you, because they like the way you see life.  Don't worry, keep writing from the heart and we'll all still be here reading, guaranteed!!
    Sara   x

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  8. Dear val I would love to get the link and instrutions on how to add background to my journal. I also wanted you to know that I am praying for you. I am glad you have a spritual life that is probably the most important thing I can tell anyone in any situation. I pray you will lwt our father heal your past  whatever it is and let him fully cleanse you of any regrets or sadness. I am here if you ever want me to pray or talk take care my friend God bless you Kelley       He is the source of every mercy and the god who comforts us 2 corinthians 1;3

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  9. hey i would like  to upload pictures...

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  10. Val, I can relate to you. I have not been able to work for about two years now and it is no fun. I loved my nursing job and would give anything to be able to get back into the nursing field, but my health will not permit it. I have tried to find things to keep myself occupied. It's frustrating at times. Thank You for sharing with us. I really enjoy your entrys. I would like to know how to do backgrounds. God Bless

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  11. You are a beautiful person.  God did not remove Paul's ailment, whatever it was, but he was who he was supposed to be.  
    Somehow when you turn your life over to God, it just works out.
    Yes, I would love the instructions for the back ground, but you knew that already - LOL!
    I have been able to get into FTP by continually hitting the FTP button and then I finally will sneak in the AOL portal sideways - LOL!  Sometimes as many as 10 times hitting the FTP space button, but finally works.
    When leaving comments, sometimes have to hit the back button and try again.  It always worked until just then while leaving one here.  THis is the 2nd time I've typed it!!!

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  12. Wasn't scary. We love you for you. I think you're one of the most beautiful people in journaland.
    Angela
    PS...I couldn't leave a comment on your sister's journal. AOL wouldn't let me.

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  13. Valerie, I really loved your entry today Sweetie.  I ready a journal entry a few days ago that said that people on welfare checks and disability just didn't want to work.  They said people just really didn't want jobs.  I was furious.  How could they think we didn't want to work?  Anyway, I am really glad you wrote this entry.  Love, Krissy
    http://journals.aol.com/fisherkristina/SometimesIThink

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  14. Don't waste too much time worrying about what we think. Who cares what we think?? This journal is for YOU. Personally, I love your introspective entries. They give me great insight into how your mind works. You are a very interesting lady, Val. Your life experiences have had a part in molding the person you are today. Those life lessons could be very helpful to others who are working through similar issues. That's how I see it. That is why I leave my journal public. :-) Plus I don't have many people to talk to and share my life with...so my journal is a great outlet for my chatty side. LOL

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  15. Hi val, you shouldn't worry what other people think, this journal is for you and a way of putting down your thoughts and moans and likes. I find it helpfull if someone talks about their illness, especially when we suffer from the same thing, it makes you feel you are not alone. Thanks for sharing this with us, you should do it more often.  xx Julie xx

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  16. Val,
    "Ugh.  Too many problems for too long.  Please fix it, okay, thank you.  End of rant"  This has been my complaint for the last few months due to my chronic illness.  The last thing I remember before the surgery was crying to my doctor was telling him to "PLEASE FIX THIS.. YOU HAVE TO FIX THIS. THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS GOING ON THAT ARE UNFIXABLE. YOU CAN FIX THIS.. I KNOW YOU CAN FIX THIS."  All he said to me was.."Lu, I will try."  (What's sadder is that I am on a first name basis with my surgeon.) Heck Val, it was only Gall Bladder removal surgery.  But for me it wasn't a normal surgery.  My Lupus had said...... Hey lookie here ~~ what do we have here.  This Gall Bladder doesn't belong here.  I was in the hospital ten days, most are in and out in like 2.Then the procedure thew me into a major flare.  And, now they want me to have some pulmonary stuff checked out.  My lungs don't sound right.  

    And, by the way SS Disabiity said .........Nope, you are not disbled.  Go figure.  They think its easy losing a very wonderful career and accepting the fact that you can never work at something you love again and beg for the measly $1,100 they offer.  Heck, I'm only 47 and had my entire life ahead of me,

    Sorry to rang so Val. But your subject hit a nerve.  Maybe this will give me the incentve to write in my own journals.  This is why I love you so Val.  You always inspire me Giril.
    Love you bunches LuAnne
    http://journals.aol.com/thebaabee/LUANNESLIFELIVINGWITHLUPUS/
    http://journals.aol.com/thebaabee/LUANNESPRAYERS/

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  17. Hi Val,

    Don't worry about other folks.  Sharing who you are will just let you know who your real friends are.

    I consider you a friend and send you big hugs for you today.  :-)

    Deb

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  18. if it's not one thing..it's AOL ;)

    Don't worry about what people think.  Know that no matter what you say, think, do, etc. the people that love you will still be there when you're done ;)
     
    I think no less of you because you recieve disability, I understand that you need it, that you don't have another option, and that you wish you could have a cure rather than a check.  I know someone, well I've known of a few people who used the system and it disgusts me and I make that very clear to them.  I've seen what fibro does to people and sometimes the toughest part is that it doesn't look like you're sick...but lord knows that just because you look okay doesn't mean you feel okay.  
    Take care of yourself and know that you're very loved doll :)
    xoxo~Bernadette

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  19. Val, First before I comment on your entry.  I got the e-mail and I've been wanting to respond.  I'm finding in trying to respond it's like the time I was in therapy ... meaning it's draining.  I've also thought about journaling about the situation. Yes, there is a stigma attached to the problem.  Yet, I honestly think we will find more support here in j-land then we both realize.  I read all the supportive comments you've received so far and it helps to encourage me.  I think there might be more in j-land with some of the same type problems and maybe they too are afraid to disclose much.  Sometimes it feels like we walk a fine line on what to journal.  As for the other stuff, I get ideas for a journal entry, things I did, saw or heard then I come to the computer and whoosh, those thoughts are all gone and no where to be found!  I thought about writing them down as they happen.  Yet, I forget to do that too! OK, this is more than long enough.  I'll be writing you soon.

    Monica
    http://journals.aol.com/sonensmilinmon/SmilinMonsAdventures/

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  20. Val, I know what you have shared will help other!  It helped me as well.  You pretty much know why.  Send that informative e-mail - I'd love to put in backgrounds, etc.  Love you, my firend, Penny

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