Thursday, November 11, 2004

My Brain and Trees

                       

 

Good morning everyone.  It has been too long since I have written.  Sometimes I think I will lose readers because I take too long to write between entries.  I take longer than all of my favorite journals.  I don't know what this means.  I don't know if this means anything.  I know that I have four or five entries in my head and I have not been able to get them down in my journal.  It gets very frustrating for me.  More than you know.  It is my brain.  My brain is my biggest enemy.  I am hoping I do not lose readers.  That is a big fear of mine.  Let me tell you what my brain does to me daily.  Maybe you can then understand.  Whenever I do anything that requires thinking it can take in so much and then it shuts down.  So when I go on the computer I have to decide to write a journal entry immediately or read other entries and do what I enjoy to do on the computer.  If I chose the latter, my brain is way too overloaded and tired to write an entry.  Alot of times my brain is too stupid in the morning or mushy to be able to retrieve words and I must wait awhile.  Then if it is raining or I am having a bad day or I am suffering from a bit of depression it is hard to get anything out of this brain.  Any kind of brain activity for 45 minutes to an hour and a half depending on how easy it is on my brain, requires a time-out for me.  A time-out is a time for me to be alone.  Anyone who knows me knows that look on my face when I need a time-out.  It is not a good one.  My mood is not the best either.  By the middle of the day my body AND mind need a time-out and I go into my bedroom and turn off the light as all of my senses have been barraged and I can not take any more of "living" and "sensing" for the day and must re-group.  Sometimes I re-emerge from the room.  Sometimes I do not.  It depends.  So, my friends, you probably can understand why I am not making daily, and sometimes twice daily entries in this journal.  It is so, so important that I keep it up, though.  I will keep fighting to keep it going.  Perhaps I am worrying for no reason.  It is very hard to live with several illnesses that attack you all the time and sometimes they just keep assaulting your spirit.  These illnesses are illnesses of my central nervous system.  I must make time for me.  Time to re-group.  I will do this.  Time in nature.  Time to read a good book.  Time for myself.  Time staring at nature.  Time taking pictures of beautiful trees.  Time to sit under a tree.  Time to stare at trees and learn from them.  Time plopping on the bed and watching a good movie with my daughter (you up for it, Chelsea?).   These activities actually give me energy and don't take away from me.  I learned awhile back, and it was a very interesting experiment, that when my senses are assaulted, the best way to fix this is by soothing my senses.  It is amazing.  I found this out through a wonderful therapist who worked with chronically ill patients.  I am forever indebted to her.  It was a new experiment for her, too, and she was amazed.  So, now I am off with my daughter to go out to lunch with my Dad.  I think that will be very nice for us.  I hope you enjoy the tree that I took.  Trees are my favorite thing in nature.  I will write an entry about them later.  I wanted to put this picture in today to remind me to slow down.  Also, I wanted to let everyone know that we all are trees with our own story.  Our own life.  Our own beauty.  Trees, my favorite part of nature.  Not the best picture.  There was too much sun behind the tree when I took the picture, but I wanted to share it anyway.  Trees.  More on them later... 

15 comments:

  1. It does not matter if you write every day Val.  We all understand, just as long as you do write now and again. I have a journal friend who is very down at the moment because she seems to keep losing readers, she gets a few and then they go again.  She is a lovely person and this is making her very blue and she does hers every day.  So do not worry about losing readers by not writing every day.  Shall be lighting my candle as usual.  Harder day for me today but I still went out for a while. Prayers to you and for you dear friend.

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  2. I totally understand what you mean...my brain often feel mushy too.  I dont write my journal now as much as I used to and when I do I have to make a special effort to do it.  I'm sure you dont lose readers...it's nice not to be bombarded with numerous journal entries all the time...it's scary when you have 30 or 40 emails...most of which are journal alerts for new entries! Sometimes I can read them and comment, sometimes I can just read them...other times I just have to delete the emails and come back to the journals later! Stupid brain! I wish it worked properly again!

    Love Amy xxx

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  3. My dear Val, I would read your journal if you wrote it every day, or just once a week, even if you wrote it only once a month!!  You explain your difficulties very well, and I'm sure everyone else feels the same :o)
    I love the tree pic by the way, and am looking forward to your tree entry.
    Take care, and don't overdo things, sit with your lovely Chelsea and enjoy the movie.
    Sara   x

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  4. You won't lose me as a reader!  I have my alert turned on and I read it everytime whether it's a day apart or three weeks in between!  

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  5. Val, I will read everytime you write! I have you on alert and I never miss an entry, even if I don't always comment.
    Take care and relax.
    Becci. xxxx

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  6. Write when you feel like it, Val. We'll still be here. Alerts don't expire, as far as I know. LOL

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  7. I dont always write everyday either... so its fine,, you write when you want! :) Melaney

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  8. You don't have to write every day Sweetie, you will not lose your readers!
    Love the photo of the tree. -Krissy
    http://journals.aol.com/fisherkristina/SometimesIThink

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  9. I don't write everyday either, and you will never lose me as a reader and friend :)..........Jules xxx
    http://journals.aol.co.uk/jules19642001/Itsmylife/

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  10. I understand your thoughts here very well, and I can relate. I enjoy reading your journal and I will continue, it does not matter how often you post. You have a wonderful way with words. Beautiful picture of the tree. God Bless You

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  11. I am lucky if I post twice a week, and I understand the need to re-group at times during the day. I will not go away-I enjoy your journal troo much. Blessings, Margo

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  12. Dearest Val. I love this entry. You have explained my life as well as yours. I am a survivor with lupus and several other illnesses that have me in a wheelchair and home bound unless my Dear Hubby has the time to take me places then I must be careful where I go because with lupus my autoimune system is low. I can catch a cold and end up in the hospital. Anyway, it seems we are two of a kind here.
    Willow

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  13. You won't lose your readers!  I only post once a week, I posted last Sunday and then posted again early this morning, so 6 days between entries....you just have to do what works best for you!  

    I'll still be reading you!

    ~JerseyGirl
    http://journals.aol.com/cneinhorn/WonderGirl

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  14. Hello Val. Thank you for your lovely comments. I was touched. I can tell you are Krissy's sister, she is a very caring person too. As for your trees, I can't believe how much we have in common. It  verges on the eerie! I believe trees are magical. Some may think I am daft (they don't come much sillier than me! lol), but I think they have feelings too. Of all the terrible and bad things in this world there is so much to be thankful for as well. Spring, summer, autumn or winter, nature is just changing her clothes and showing us there are many different facets to beauty. I love your journal and will be coming back for more, now that I have found it.
    Sylvia.

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  15. The main thing is to take care of yourself..I love reading your journal..just because you dont make an entry for a while shouldnt matter....Kasey

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