Sunday, January 18, 2004

Too Much Goin' On For Me

This color red is appropriate for the color of my emotions....if I were to explode, I would be all red.  Things have been happening too quickly lately without my permission (!!).  I have been dragged down lately by not feeling well and by others not feeling well and by three deaths and by the dark, cold days.  It is very hard for me to get anything done and it seems like my phone just keeps ringing and it won't stop.  I had three consecutive approximately 3am phone calls this week.  Albeit, the callers were sick and needed advice and someone to talk to.  Should they go to the hospital?  Should they just take medicine?  Should they call the police?  One friend tried to kill herself a couple of weeks ago and, to be honest, I was a little angry with her because I had cared for her for awhile!  I understand mental illness, don't get me wrong!  Especially hers as I have the same diagnosis and she is dear to me, but we were both going through hard times.  I see how my thinking get skewed as I type this down.  Now, to figure out how to find time for myself and how to get my apartment cleaned.....Today I HAVE to go see Roger as he is getting baptised.  He is so very dear to me.  Even though I am in alot of pain and there are inches of snow and ice outside, I am going to make it to his baptism.  I have to.  He is special to me.  After his baptism we are going to go see some Mennonite Singers.  That sounds very interesting.  Oh, his Aunt Linda with cancer is in the hospital with the flu.  When it rains it pours.  Roger's Dad just died a week before Christmas.  So much death recently.  Death does lead to the next life, though.  My Aunt Chrissie died in October, Maizie around November and Bob in December.  I think I have been whining too much.  I read this back and realized how bad I sounded!  I must stop whining, how awful I sound!  Bye


  1. Sorry Val I have called you to much lately! Krissy

  2. Krissy, YOU may ALWAYS call me :-) Love, Val

  3. Something I like about journals.. or when writing down ones thoughts.. especially the kinds of thoughts us ill people seem to have.. with all the stress and bad days of an illness is the fact that we do indeed have good days.. and its on those good days when we can look back at a particularly "down and out" entries we have written is when we come to realize.. hey, it's not so bad after all.. as long as I keep having these good days , life can be ok..
    I admire your courage though.. I really do.. I feel so weak sometimes.. so scared sometimes.. thinking I may never get well...I guess if I had the actual treatments and answers for my illness it wouldnt be as bad but its the unknown and not knowing the way the doctors keep referring me to the big boys(the big hospitals) that makes it tough.. sometimes..but all in all.. Im ok.. I keep going because I know that life is here and now and its what I make of it. Peace and Blessings * Melaney


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